Tuesday, May 27, 2014

That One Time I was a Horrible Wife

So one time I got sick of my husbands' snoring.  LOUD snoring.  LOUD, shake the house, can hear it from 3 rooms away snoring.  I'm a pretty light sleeper and my husband sleeps like the dead so shaking him awake to roll over doesn't work.  Neither do snore strips or ear plugs.  Because this is crappy, and I'm sick of having to sleep on the couch to get some rest, I thought I would research Sleep Centers.  Maybe he has sleep apnea or something dangerous? Gotta get it fixed!  Unfortunately there were no sleep centers in our area but my insurance reccomended an Ear Nose and Throat doctor.  So I called, made an appointment, and asked my husband in my politest tone of voice to pretty please go to this super quick and easy appointment at the doctors.  He grumbled, but agreed to go. WINNING!

Here's how I envisioned this appointment going:

Robb: Dude, I snore a lot. My wife made me come here.
ENT Dr: Crazy, dude! We see that a lot, wives are the worst! Here's some pamphlets with ideas to help with snoring that aren't earplugs and snore strips.  Here's a mouthguard that might help.  Also, I can tell magically that you don't have sleep apnea. 
Robb: Cool bro, catch ya later!
ENT Dr: Good luck, man!
*High Fives All Around*

It turns out, however, that the appointment did NOT go like that.  And also, doctors don't refer to their patients as "dude" or "man". 

First, Robb was convinced he was the in the wrong place.

I reassured him this appointment was totally no big deal, they're used to seeing dudes that snore, and not to worry.  Whoops, I was totally wrong on that one.

See this shit?  Apparently they just "had" to stick the entire thing up Robb's nose.  Pleasant, no?  It gives me the heebies just *thinking* about it.  Robb was NOT happy about it and apparently it hurt like hell, but not wanting to be a wimp will get you to sit through almost anything, evidently. Also, he needs 3 surgeries to fix his deviated septum, enlarged tonsils, and some other stupid minor problem that only *might* fix the snoring.  So obviously we're not doing that.  Which means the whole appointment was pointless.  Awesome.

Then Robb came home and had to mow the lawn, which gives him allergies from the grass, which further irritated his sinuses.

I'll take my Wife of the Year Award now.

1 comment:

  1. I could only imagine the look on his face when they told him about part of the test! Though it might've been best to consult first, rather than jump right into the tests. That way, you guys would've known what the tests would entail, and if he would want to do it or not. Anyway, have you found an alternative way to stop or at least lessen his snoring?

    Cynthia Bowers @ Bay Area TMJ & Sleep Center


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